I have been a most difficult son and brother for much of my life and I can’t blame it on anything other than my need for an attitude adjustment after 40 years of creating unnecessary hostility in my relations with the closest people to me who have been invested in my welfare out of shear compassion for me and my plight, which is largely the fact that I have been my own worst enemy.
I can’t blame it on ADHD, prematurity, asthma or autism, or dry skin, but I have managed to. I also manage to blame friends, in addition to family, graduate school supervisors, mentors, employers, friends, frenemies, enemies, significant others (i.e. girlfriends), dates, social media followers and the list goes on. I wanted to hold someone, and really anyone, but myself responsible for my failures. I guess it was easier, may have seemed plausible at the time, but ultimately it further sabotaged my progress and was counterproductive.
As my friend John Ferriter would say, “Always remember that life is a broken play. Improvise, adapt, accept and change and remember if there is no solution to something then there really isn’t a problem to begin with.” This article about John is also inspiring.
This is not only a tribute to family that has endured my shortcoming, but has prevailed in spite of them. This is also a reminder to me that I can’t blame other people for anything. A lot of people manage to navigate difficult paths and show nothing, but love and kindness toward their loved ones. Unfortunately, for so much of my life, I blamed my parents and younger siblings for anything and everything that I feel happened to me and lead to negative consequences and despair.